If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

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I am shocked at what appears to be an increase in unfiltered venting of angry or mean comments without regard for how it makes another person feel. Recently, I witnessed a small battle of good and evil where one person spoke up amongst a sea of cruel comments to say, “Please be respectful to others and do not make intentionally hurtful comments. Think before you speak.” To which the dark side reacted like a frenzy of angry piranhas and one person in particular remarked, “We have so many angry people in this world because people hold in their feelings and never express them.”

Shaking my head. I completely disagree! Self-controlling the expression of angry feelings is not what creates the many angry people in this world.

First, let’s distinguish a person’s anger (internal feelings) from unfiltered spouting of what someone thinks (external action). Unfiltered venting of mean comments at another’s expense is a direct expression of anger…. A weapon of words. And further, uncontrolled venting of angry and cruel remarks at another person’s expense does not bring joy to the person venting; sadly, it perpetuates and magnifies the internal anger.

Angry people that do not take responsibility for managing their internal anger and instead choose to express what they think without regard for others is like saying, “I don’t know what to do with this angry crap within me, so I am going to heap it on you and the rest of the world in an attempt to make myself feel better.

Let’s be honest here. Anger is not born from lack of expression. Anger never goes away by spreading it unjustly in the world. Anger is an internal response that requires someone to go within themselves to learn why they are feeling angry (usually a defense to hurt or fear in their lives). And then the person can either use the anger to fuel their act of expressing angry comments, or…. They can learn how to process their anger and cope with it in a healthy way so they can achieve happiness, obtain joy and act in kindness.

Anger is often a defense mechanism. But it cannot be heaped onto the undeserved. If the angry person has no desire to achieve healthy filtered expression or impulse control for their own genuine joy, then perhaps they will do it for the love and consideration of those around them that do not deserve verbal attacks.

I pity a man that can actually gain any degree of internal satisfaction from delivering harsh words without regard for causing undeserved pain or grief in a fellow man. I personally think it only magnifies the internal anger, and the person never really finds peace or joy in themselves.

Human decency and love are always the answer. Anything less is an indication that something is wrong; something is very wrong.

And if you are angry and venting without respect for those around you and nothing about this touches your heart or makes sense to you whatsoever, then there’s always the hard and fast golden rule that any good momma or daddy taught us when we were little kids. You don’t have to understand it, just do it and the world will be a better place, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Proverbs 29:11
A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back.

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