Do You Feel Loved?

One of the most important questions you can ask your spouse or your child is, “Do you feel loved?” 

Feelings come and go.
Love is not a feeling.
Love is a decision.
Love is not given for good behavior.
Love is not withheld as punishment.
Love is given whether or not it is deserved.

You know you truly love someone when the act of loving that person is more important to you than how that person makes you feel.

Do you want to live a real love story? Select a mate that knows how to love you beyond their self. And pick someone you are willing to love for a lifetime, no matter what. And when you have children, share that same kind of unconditional and secure love with them.

If real love sounds hard, look at Jesus Christ. He loved us so much that he willingly gave his life and died for us – even for those that did not believe in him, that betrayed him, and that spit on him. He gave his life for the undeserved because he loved them even though they gave him nothing in return. Jesus’ love is perfect love.

Some people say they would die for their spouse or for their child, but yet they live every day selfishly for themselves. How do you compare?

Christian Life Coach
http://www.NicieLee.com

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YOUR SILENCE IS LOUD AND CLEAR

Why the silent treatment hurts.

There are times in life when we have to exercise self-control and bind our lips so as not to say something that we can’t take back. “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.” (Proverbs 29:11) This type of silence is of good character.

Then there are some people that take silence to another level…. THE SILENT TREATMENT. When we are threatened in some way, we react with fight or flight. Silence may initially be a protective mechanism of flight. But the moment the threat is no longer present and the silence evolves into punishment of another, it becomes an active form of fight.

Silence pops up in many relationships in our lives; spouses, children, co-workers, friends, family, etc. Some people try to defend their silence by saying things like, “I’m not calling you names. I’m not raising my voice. I’m not hitting you. I’m not doing anything to you.” Let’s be clear…. The silent treatment is loud and it hurts or offends. The thing you can count on about the silent treatment is that it will never bring resolution or peace to a situation; it will only make a chasm wider or lengthen the duration of the pain.

In Matthew 22:36, when Jesus was asked which is the greatest commandment, he replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.” But he doesn’t stop there. Jesus goes on to give a second commandment, “And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” In order to comply with these commandments, we must first understand what it means to love.

Love is many things. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” So we know that love is about action; actions of patience, kindness, protection, trust, hope and rejoicing.

Ignoring someone is the opposite of love. It screams loud and clear to the other person, “You are not worthy of my attention or my breath. I refuse to hear you when you speak. I do not even care about you enough to acknowledge your existence. I dislike you or disrespect you so much that I cannot even look at you.”

There are many reasons why we resort to silence in our relationships with others. Anyone who delivers
silence and anyone who receives silence knows that silence can be a dysfunctional disruption to a relationship and it can cause painful deep wounds.

If silence is your “go to” coping mechanism or you are the recipient of chronic silent treatments, the pain that exists in that space is real. There are ways to break such a cycle and they are worth exploring. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

STOP THE SILENCE.
IT IS LOUD AND IT HURTS.

Nicie Lee is a Christian Life Coach that can help people with matters of the heart. http://www.NicieLee.com

Determining Someone’s Value

HOW SHOULD YOU DETERMINE SOMEONE’s VALUE?

Do you have someone in your life that you value so much that you are willing to die for them?

Do you know someone that values you so much that they are willing to die for you?

How do you value yourself? Do you believe that you are worth dying for?

Thoughts of inferiority attack us all. No one, no matter how beautiful or successful, is immune from thoughts of inferiority.

Who should you allow to determine your value? Who really knows enough of you inside and out and who can really see you and your full potential?

A parent?
A spouse?
A sibling?
A coworker or friend?
A boyfriend or girlfriend?
A neighbor?
A boss or teacher?
The enemy?
Yourself?

Hardly! All these people, including you, are limited in their knowledge and understanding. Compared to God, they lack truth and understanding about what is within you.

So, how do you determine how valuable you are?

The best way to determine the value of something is to find out what someone is willing to pay for it.

What was the price God was willing to pay for you?

Death. His Son.

Do you value someone so much that you would give up your child for them? Is there a person in your life that values you so much that they would give up a child for you?

God, the all mighty creator, the only person that knows every hair on your head, the one that knows your every thought and that has seen your every action, all of your good and all of your bad, he knowingly paid the ultimate price for you: death. He gave up his only son in exchange for you. There is no greater price to pay.

God knows you are extremely valuable. Yes, this means YOU. There are no exceptions to his love for all of his creation. Don’t let the enemy rob this precious truth from you. Maybe you are not yet displaying your full potential, but God sees what you can eventually become and loves you for it today.

YOU are valuable enough to die for, so don’t ever let anyone else beneath God, including yourself, tell you any different.

ROMANS 8:32 NLT
32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?

Season of Ho-hum?

Are you yearning for glee? Do you long to return to a peak season in your past when you experienced feelings of contentment and joy? Most all of us feel this way at times.

When we do feel this way, we tend to look inward and evaluate what is causing the ho-hum feeling within us. But maybe our contentment and joy is really found outside of ourselves.

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. -PHILIPPIANS 2:4 NLT

A selfish life filled with plans only to make a person happy in and of themselves may work short term, but it will fail to bring lasting joy and fulfillment. So it stands to reason that when we begin to help others, our own problems will shrink and the ho-hum blues will lift.

When our God-given time on earth comes to pass, what we have done to help others will be valued and celebrated on earth by the ones we leave behind and in heaven by the ones waiting on us.

So today, take a step to cure your ho-hums. It can be as simple as calling a family member, sending a random card to a friend, preparing a meal for a neighbor, looking at your spouse and saying “You are great and I love you” or inviting someone to coffee. Spend your time listening instead of talking. Try to think of any small thing that might brighten someone’s day. Lifting the burdens of others does not have to be a heroic feat, but even something “small” for someone else will help cure your blues.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; -Matthew 5:44 KJV

Going Home

Going Home

I am 40-yrs old.  I’ve been married 13-yrs to my feisty best friend and we have children, a dog and a cat.  We live in a beautiful home in Lubbock, TX.  It’s beautiful because it’s most often filled with love and laughter.  It’s where our family finds provision and security.  It’s where we intentionally create a safe place that is nothing like the often harsh outside world.  I love our home, but really, the structure itself makes no difference (although I love it too; it’s perfect for us), it’s the life in it that I love.

A week ago, we loaded up the car and drove to my Mom and Dad’s house in the DFW area (aka Meemie & Papi’s house).  What is it about “going home” that causes a small ember in our hearts to glow a little brighter? I suppose no matter the age, we long for the comfort of our own mother and father.  At least for me, I was fortunate enough to be raised in a home where both parents loved us and provided for us.  We lived a modest life, but dad worked hard and mom sacrificed so much personally to care for our home and family.  Things were not always perfect; plenty of hardships along the way.  But I never feared provision nor did I doubt their love for my brother and me.  Their world did not revolve around us kids, but they never lived their lives without us in mind. It was the four of us, and no matter the structure of the house (and there were many because we moved around quite a bit), there was love, laughter, provision and security.

Of course, my brother and I have since left our parents’ home to cleave to our own spouses and create our own homes.  But there’s just something special about “going home” to mom and dad’s house that ignites a childish fire inside of me.  It’s a sense of joy and peace and comfort.  It’s a place where I am unconditionally received by people that know everything about me and love me anyway.  And now we watch our own children run around and play under the security of us as parents but also under the cover of their grandparents.  Even our pets run in packs and play (well, except for my nervous Chihuahua; he shakes and barks).  “Going home” is a good thing and I cherish every precious moment of it.

Not every child is as fortunate as I was to have two loving and selfless parents and adequate provision throughout childhood.  Not every adult is as fortunate as I to have both parents living to play with their grandchildren.  But we all have a Father in heaven that loves us unconditionally, receives us no matter our past, provides for us more than adequately and is waiting for us one day to “go home”.  Yes, there is a small ember in my heart that shines through the giving of love, prayer, praise, worship, sometimes tears and just living life joyfully under the cover of our Father.  And if “going home” to Meemie & Papi’s house can ignite such a pure child-like fire within my heart, I can’t imagine the light that will ignite the day my Father in heaven calls me to go home.

 

 

Actions tell the world who you are.

Phil Robertson – Duck Commander – A&E

I would not want to see the Duck Dynasty family leave television. I appreciate that they offer a different perspective than other reality TV shows I watch. Sure, my personal values are more in-line with the Robertson family on many issues, but I don’t scream at the TV and become outraged when I also indulge in watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Last week Brandi kissed Carlton another female co-star. I may not live the same lifestyle nor embrace the same values for myself or my family, but I understand God gave us free-will. If I want to protest the on-television female-to-female kiss, I don’t call the AP, I simply change the channel and stop watching. I might also pray about it and look to the bible for direction and teach my children different values, but that too is my individual right. That is what makes our country great.

All of that to say, I totally support the Robertson’s if they choose to leave A&E or demand less censorship. No matter what side you sit on some of these issues, the freedom of religion and speech is for the protection of all, including conservative Christians. A&E has every right to censor and filter and edit its shows, but the Robertson family has every right to profess, practice and protect their own biblical values and principles.

It is a fact that Christianity has certain principles and definitions of what constitutes a sin. It is also a fact that we are all imperfect sinners in some way. Christianity’s greatest principle is to love. Whatever our opinions are about what constitutes a sin or unacceptable conduct, ultimate judgment is reserved to God alone. People like Phil and people like me, we use the bible as our guide for our day-to-day lives. I don’t apologize for it, and I imagine Phil doesn’t either. But I would never force it on anyone. God loved his creation enough to give them free-will so all of humanity could choose who and what to love. Without choice, we would be captives by a tyrant. Real selfless love is a choice.

In the end, Phil said it best, “I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.” For one moment, suspend your personal wants, preferences and self-centered desires. Imagine a world where every single person truly loved God with all of their heart and lived by biblical principles and loved each other selflessly without their own egos or desires or pleasures as a factor…. It might not line-up with current lifestyles, but without a doubt, the world would absolutely be a better place than it is today.

True Love Endures

I was an in-house attorney for a hospital for about 8 years. I used to love walking by the valet where so many families and patients entered the hospital. I would silently pray for those entering the doors and observe whether anyone needed help. On one particular day, I observed an exchange between a couple that was ordinary, yet filled with God’s grace, love and beauty. It was sacred. It went like this…

The pick-up truck crusted from West Texas dirt pulled up curbside in the valet area. The driver opened his door and surveyed his surroundings. After a brief exchange with the valet, he rounded the front of his truck. He was tall and strong, but the hands of time had weathered his exterior. And based on his gait, his joints may have been a little creaky. He stepped up on the curb and opened the passenger door to reveal a petite lady, nicely coiffed with a pleasant smile; very pretty. My guess is that she was the Queen of the rodeo back in her day.

He extended his hand to her, like a coachman might do for Cinderella. She grasped it and used the hold as leverage to slowly turn towards him. And then I see she is quite frail and slow moving. She situates herself so that they are squarely facing each other. She took a long contemplative pause and observed the sidewalk below. I wondered how she was going to make the step down from her seat to the curb. Her husband leaned in. She put her arms around his neck and placed her cheek against his, holding on with what little strength she could muster. He embraced her and eased her down with a perfect combination of strength and gentleness. Once her feet were firmly planted on the ground, he slowly eased away and steadied her. She looked a little uncertain, maybe sad or anxious. There was concern in her eyes. He gave her a reassuring grin and hug.

Once satisfied that his wife could steady herself by holding onto the door, he walked to the back of the truck and retrieved a small personal duffle bag and a walker. He placed the walker in front of her. Slowly and with great effort, she grasped with one hand and then another, careful to shift her weight from the door to the walker. She was older, yet far too young to be so meek. Together, they slowly made their way to the entry of the hospital. He was leading the way just a half a step ahead, while she concentrated intently on each step before her.

Unexpectedly, she released one hand from the walker long enough to grab his elbow. A bit startled, he stopped and turned to see what was wrong. She leaned towards him and he leaned towards her, I thought perhaps they might exchange a whisper. Lovingly, she planted a kiss on his cheek. It wasn’t a quick peck, but it lingered long enough to be meaningful. He closed his eyes as if savoring the moment. And then they turned and continued their coupled walk into the hospital.

Getting out of a truck is a simple act that often goes unnoticed. It is something most of us take for granted. However, on this particular day, getting out of a truck exposed human frailty, vulnerability and dependence. The marvelous presence of God’s grace, love and beauty transformed the moment into something sacred. And that is why I loved walking by the valet area.